


Too good for me

by galaxylove



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, maybe a lil angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-23 01:33:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13179546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxylove/pseuds/galaxylove
Summary: “How long?” Mina mumbled in her ear. Sana gripped a little tighter and Mina’s voice got firmer.“Sana.” She pulled back, just enough to look the other girl in the face, not allowing her to hide away. “How long have you been in love with Momo?”





	Too good for me

**Author's Note:**

> this is an idea i've had for a while and tbh i didn't do it nearly enough justice but here we are

   Sana likes to think that, despite her demanding lifestyle, she can exercise a healthy amount of control over her actions and choices. She likes to think that when the cameras are off and the staff have gone home and it’s just her and eight other regular girls, she chooses who she is and who she wants to be. So when Mina, Mina who always plays the passive bystander in any scenario, grasps her wrist and begins to tug her to the rooftop with a smouldering anger burning in her eyes, she begins to think that maybe the control she thought she had is nowhere to be seen. A slender shoulder forces the door open, the resonating clang causing Sana to flinch whilst Mina didn’t even falter a single step. The pair enter the cool night air, the sounds of the city washing over them as they come to a standstill. The tight fingers around her wrist jerked away harshly, clenching automatically into a fist before unfurling slowly. 

  She looked up, expecting to see anger in Mina’s eyes but was startled to see them filled with a pain she couldn’t help but think she had partially caused.

  “Talk to me.” 

  Her voice was soft, familiar; the warm tone ingrained in her mind from countless nights sneaking out to eat cheap street food, or staying up late to binge watch the latest episode of their favourite drama despite their demanding schedules. Her voice sounded too much like somebody else's. 

  “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

  Her voice came out a lot stronger than she thought she could manage, perhaps it was the defiant jut of her jaw that filled her with this false bravado. She turned her head away, unable to look into eyes that saw too much.

  “ _ Sana.” _ Mina stepped closer, arm stretching out to touch your wrist again. This time her fingers were soft and comforting, a silent apology. “ _ Please. _ ”

  Sana made the mistake of looking at the other girl, seeing how her actions hadn’t just affected herself but also the people she loved. Too often she forgot how young they all were, but with Mina’s eyes brimming with unshed tears she felt overcome with a wave of shame. She stepped into the other girl, arms wrapping tightly around her stiff frame as her head came to rest naturally in the dip of her shoulder. She went to tighten the grip when she felt familiar hands push her away, stunning her. 

  “No, you  _ always _ do this,” the younger girl said, tears long gone and eyes filled with the dormant anger Sana sparked earlier. “Stop putting us before you for once please,  _ please  _ be selfish for one moment.”

 Stunned, Sana could only look at her friend with mixed feelings, surprise and awe at the forefront. Standing in front of her was barely a trace of the timid trainee who hesitated at the entrance to their dorm, few belongings clutched tightly in her hands as she executed a perfect 90 degree bow, long hair sweeping the floor before shooting back up in a ramrod straight pose. She saw someone far stronger than she gave credit for. She forced down the uncomfortable feeling that had begun to rise in her chest.

  “I-I...I don’t know what you want me to say.” Was that her voice coming out of her throat? The Sana they all knew was never this quiet, this reluctant, this unsure. She swallowed heavily, choking on messy, tangled words that she didn’t know how to deliver. 

  “Minari what am I  _ doing _ .” Her head dropped into her hands, unsure if her hands were actually shaking or the building tears in her eyes just made them seem so. She felt herself being pulled into a warm chest, arms wrapped tightly around her shuddering frame, allowing her to tuck her head into a familiar neck and hide the shame burning in her eyes. A hand reached up to stroke her hair, playing with the strands just so. She shuddered against the younger girl, fists grasping despairingly for some sort of stability in her embrace.

  “How long?” Mina mumbled in her ear. Sana gripped a little tighter and Mina’s voice got firmer.

  “Sana.” She pulled back, just enough to look the other girl in the face, not allowing her to hide away. “How long have you been in love with Momo?”

  Mina could tell that she was trying to escape, from the frantic darting of her eyes everywhere that  _ wasn’t _ Mina, so she pulled her back into her arms, holding her there so she couldn’t run like she usually did. She wondered where Mina had gotten this defiant strength from, absently thinks she has nobody to blame but herself. She swallows the sob stuck in her throat.

  “A while.” She admits, voice barely audible as she buries her face back into Mina’s shoulder. She hears the admonishing tut of disappointment Mina emits and she doesn’t bother to hide her sigh. She lets another moment pass by before she continues.

  “Since we met.”

  The arms locked around her tighten, as if a good hug could chase away the years of dormant feelings Sana had forced down, beaten to a silent whisper in the corner of her heart. It certainly helped, she thought, letting herself sink into a little piece of home. Her hands had found purchase on the back of Mina’s shirt, scrunching and twisting the fabric between her fingers as her hands clenched impossibly tighter with every trembling breath she tried to fight. Mina pulled back once more, slender hands sliding between them to reach up and delicately cup Sana’s face.  Sana’s arms were still locked around her waist, and it wasn’t until Mina’s thumb ran soft, repeated swipes against her sodden skin that she realised she had been crying. Mina’s eyes were glistening with unspent tears, and Sana ignored the ball of shame that had steadfastly implanted itself in her chest since this conversation began.

  “Why,” Mina began, unsure in her words for the first time since she dragged her onto the rooftop, “why...haven’t you told her?” 

  Sana closed her eyes, subconsciously pushing her face forwards into Mina’s touch.

  “It’s Momo.” Sana whispered in reply, breathing unsteady and weak. She felt Mina’s thumb still on her cheeks and she scrunched her eyes shut tighter to stop the tears welling.

  “It’s  _ Momo _ ,” her voice broke around the achingly familiar name leaving her lips, and she was trying not to fall apart but she was cracking and breaking and coming apart in arms that were like home but not  _ her _ home.

  “It’s Momo, and you know her. You  _ know _ her.” She sobbed, fists coming forward to clench desperately at the front of Mina’s shirt. She chanced opening her eyes and Mina was crying too. “You know her. She’s good, and she’s kind, and I’m not going to ruin that. She’s too pure, she’s too good-” she paused, taking a deep, body wracking breath.

   “She’s too good for me.” 

  The sounds of the city washed over them, filling the strained silence that followed a confession that had plagued Sana since she was sixteen. Mina’s mouth opened and closed, lips quivering around sobs that had yet to break and Sana fractured, fragmented pieces splintering across the dimly lit rooftop in the early hours of the morning. She sank to her knees, dragging Mina down with her and curled in on herself, sobbing an echoing repetition as she fell.

  She’s not good enough.

* * *

 

  “Why haven’t you told her?” Jihyo inquired, voice stable and not at all judgmental or void of understanding like the others might be. Momo sighed again,leaning forward to press more of her weight against the palm supporting her chin. She looked out the window to the cloudless night sky, stars hidden by the pollution of the city, and released another tired sigh. She thinks of all the years Sana has defended her with reckless abandon, how she's put up with watching the same trivial rom-com with Momo for the fortieth time in a row, how Sana looks at her with eyes that expose just a little too much.

  “It’s Sana,” she began, eyes trained fervently on the sky as she spoke. She’d heard somewhere that soulmates were pieces of dust forged from the same star. She didn’t believe in the premise of soul mates, but she couldn’t think of any other reason why she’d think of her every time she looked to the sky.   She closes her eyes as she lets the confession spill from her lips, thinking of how easy it was to find a home in the stars.

  “She’s too good for me.”

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday miss minatozaki   
> @tiffatologist on twt, this wasn't meant to be this angsty i swear  
> i actually have like...way more notes for how this story s h o u l d have gone, so maybe i'll write a flashback chapter after


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